dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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