When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
