i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
