I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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