she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
