Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
