Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
