When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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