But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
