The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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