guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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