my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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