Someone shit on the floor
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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