I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
