dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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