i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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