No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She said her name was "party"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
