Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
