I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
