I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
