apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
