then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
