You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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