Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
