He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
