DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
