I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
