Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
