can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
