I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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