Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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