we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
