god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
