my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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