As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
