Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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