$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
