did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
