I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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