hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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