Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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