fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize