no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
