Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
