I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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