i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
