i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
