one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
