its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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