when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My bed smells like the plague
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize