I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
