My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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