Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
