I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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