Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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