the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
