I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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