He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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