At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
