Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
