I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
